15.Sep.2009 Goals and visions: What’s next?

Goals and visions: What’s next?

It’s easy to fall into a trap of achieving a goal and then simply move onto another. This can work for some things but not in relationships. Dean and I have raised two sons and while one is out of home, the other is nearly grown. But instead of having finished the job of child rearing we have the privilege of now being parents of four. Daughters at last! So much fun to shop for them.

Goals in marriage should be determined as a couple. There is a togetherness in goals within marriage. When one goal is strongly achieved this then opens to another goal. Our marriage faltered early days because we had failed to really understand what each other wanted but we still attempted to achieve goals without fixing our marriage. We didn’t have a great understanding of togetherness.

It is a big mistake to think that we have acquired a spouse and then merely move on in life to our next goal. It’s also a big mistake to attempt to enforce our goals upon the other. And no one wants to suffer marriage but we want to enjoy being together.

Some times we think that the sharing of our goals with one another will slow us down or even worse, the other will try to prevent that goal from happening. Rather another phenomena takes place.

The beauty of two working together means that more may be accomplished and another perspective is added. Maybe a goal has to be dropped. We do need to remember that we chose to be married and therefore look after that marriage. The beauty of sharing goals with one another is that you get to deeply know and understand the other.

Marriage can bring out the worst in another but care in marriage brings out the best in another. Knowing the best and worst traits in the other means that you really know them and a deep sense of trust and protection can be built. Marriage means that you can fail at some thing at some time and yet the other will help pick you up and encourage you on to something better.

So what can we do to enhance this in our marriages?

Sit down and talk about what honestly is important to each of you.

Determine whether these goals are good or detrimental for your marriage. If detrimental, drop the goal.

Work out how each can help reach the goal.

Stay interested in each other’s goals as these things are important to the other.

Encourage one another, encourage one another and encourage one another!