No one is truly whom we think they are. We learn more about our spouse as time goes on. This is not unusual because marriage is a life process. As stated in Genesis,”two become one”. Blending in marriage is not an instant thing in marriage.
What does a couple often find in marriage regarding the other? A spouse may not be as ambitious as the other thought and so income is not as a spouse thought it would be. One may think that they are capable of rising high within a company but time and again this does not occur. The spouse watches this repeatedly happen. Another scenario may be that a spouse may be gifted at starting businesses but then seems incapable of bringing these to a place of stable income.
One of these scenarios may resonate concerning friends or even your marriage and so how do we cope? Often with the above scenarios one spouse carries the burden of the other and therefore distresses themselves deeply. Understand that in marriage, as much as we are to empathize and support, it is not our place to destroy our own lives because of another’s problems nor is it our place to fix our spouse. There are also times when we need to accept the other’s weakness or say “enough is enough.” Sacrifice should not be always one sided.
Long term when one spouse surrenders repeatedly to the other and the issues are the result of non surrendered character or that their personality is insufficient to do what they desire, resentment builds and disappointment is resultant. In proverbs it says, “hope deferred makes the heart sick.”
It is true that love is blind and while this is good in marriage we must also be careful that we are not being so blind that we allocate blame for failures elsewhere or follow our spouse to ruin.
Looking at your life, how many times have you left a job or lost a job and were able to look at yourself and perceive lessons learnt? Have you moved churches several times in the span of your Christianity because they have not been to your liking? Likely you are looking for perfection in others while you yourself are imperfect. perfection is not found on this earth.
There are times in marriage where we should address our spouses concerning these issues. An individual rarely sees their flaws and a part of marriage involves coming together to combine strengths so that a marriage experiences success. Where a spouse is succeeding, praise and affirm while saying a much needed ‘no’ when they appear to be drifting into arenas that have had past failure.
Submitting in the Bible is not doing whatever the other pleases. Biblical submission is alignment with one another or giving into one another. The Greek word “hupatasso” is not a one sided thing. If one is submitting to the other then your marriage should not be filled with repeated mistakes that carry similar characteristics.
To avoid disappointment, hear your spouse and even friends and pastors regarding your strengths and weaknesses. Ephesians 5 states that we not only submit to each other in marriage but that we also do this to others, particularly others in our church. It is painful short term but beneficial for your life and marriage long term.