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Category Archives: Family Life


Intimacy in Marriage

When a child is brought into the family, it can sometimes cause a shift in the parental identity. A woman can begin to see herself as a parent first and a lover and wife second. A man can sometimes see himself as lover and husband first and parent second. When this happens, there is a risk of a loss of intimacy within the marriage.

Intimacy in marriage after children is very important. Children feel safest in the home of a happy and stable marriage. They learn how to treat people by watching how their parents treat each other. Non-sexual affection is a positive sign for the children and can help them adapt socially.

Married couples can keep intimacy alive after children, but it will take work. They need to continue to communicate, shift, and be open to change. They can take those moments when the children are asleep or distracted or away at friends to have some time to be intimate. Parents should make it a priority to be intentional about their intimacy so that the marriage and in turn the family dynamic remain healthy.

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Defining the Addict

Addiction series part 2

Addiction is a scary word and is something we should take seriously, but it is also something we need to understand. Non-believers try to write addiction off as a disease; however, we believe that there are deeper needs which are being overshadowed by the power of the addict’s addiction. In order to help the addict find freedom, we need to take the steps to understand how the addiction started.

Sexual addiction in many ways seems to be a deeper wound than others. It is more difficult to admit because of its sexual nature. Even though addictions are the same at their core, sexual addiction has a few defining traits that make it stand out. The sexual addict is often a victim of some form of sexual abuse and is now repeating “the victimization, only now being the perpetrator.” Addicts may have been exposed to sexual behavior such as pornography or assault at a young age. The root could even be something less severe, such as watching a parent engage in an affair. Whatever the trigger, the addict is handicapped with a deep pain before even reaching an age of sexual understanding. If that pain is not addressed, the addict will usually act upon his or her need to escape the pain.

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Wanting Fame

Today when asking children what they want to be when they grow up, answers still consist of things like firemen or doctors but it seems like the overwhelming response has changed to “famous.” Fame has to some degree become synonymous with success. We have begun to believe that if we are not well known then we are not successful and, in turn, unhappy. Famous people are seen every day in the news and the media, and we think that they are happy; however, fame does not mean happiness. In fact, fame often times becomes the thing that destroys happiness.

Fame is usually a short-lived thing that fails to bring true happiness. At our core, we desire to be loved, accepted, and happy. Many people believe that recognition will satisfy all of those desires, but, unfortunately, fame generally brings more destruction than anything. This does not mean we should disregard or downgrade moments of success; those should be celebrated! What we need to do is understand and remember that God is everything. His love and His grace is what will satisfy our desires, and we will find that satisfaction by leaning on His strength and making Him our main desire.

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Marriage & Money

Money can be one of the biggest tension points in marriage. Two people of different money profiles come together to live one life. Both have pre-established concepts of money and spending habits. When children are added to the mix, the tension can rise even further. A married couple should work to keep the lines of communication open regarding money in order to help ease said tension.

One thing that can help is to understand each other’s money makeup. There are different types of money personalities that include savers, spenders, security seekers, flyers, debtors and risk takers. We are all a mix of two of these; when we know what our spouse is, we can better navigate the conversations we will need to have about money.

Another thing is to not be too tight-fisted on our own opinions. Sometimes we just need to let our spouses have their way with the money—within a reasonable spending amount—so that there is no unnecessary arguing. We should always remember that neither we nor our spouse is ever totally right or totally wrong. We can learn to be flexible with our money for the sake of our marriage.

In the end, money is just a tool we use to make life happen. God is our ultimate provider and all the money in the world belongs to Him. We can stress about money, but why? God will always supply our needs. So spend wisely and communicate often.

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(excerpt from Little Shakers)

As a pastor I watch people move from church to church for many different reasons. Some moves are worthwhile, such as relocations for career advancement. However, many moves are because of disappointment or bitterness toward the church. We all face these times of disappointment, and we do not want to instill these messages of bitterness or disillusionment into our children. Many parents would say that they want to raise children that love God and His church, but by moving from church to church they send a message to their children that church commitment really isn’t a priority. Their love becomes conditional and intolerant. They simply forget that the church is truly God’s people – His ecclesia – His called out ones who are not perfect, but human and flawed just like everyone else.

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