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Category Archives: Family Life


Meeting in the Middle

When children are born, marital conflict often escalates. Every marriage has conflict but when responsibility is added, such as a new baby, conflict often increases. In the excitement of a new baby we can forget that this stage of life is quite a transition. Apart from talking about the baby, we must continue to take care of our marriage and have open communication regarding role changes, the division of tasks, and financial concerns.

There are a few keys we need to remember when conflicts arise. Remember that tolerance, willingness to try new things, and not always winning or being right is highly important in resolving issues. Try to be considerate of the other and meet in the middle.  Be willing to be wrong even if you believe that you are right. Accept or give that touch of affection even when you don’t want to. Allow the other equal time to speak.

Conflict is inevitable. Though, how the conflict is handled is generally more impacting than the actual resolution. Be willing to take the time to handle it properly. Remember, the fruits of the Spirit are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal 5:22-23). When we let the Spirit grow these fruits in our lives, we can utilize them to diffuse conflict and keep communication open.

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Addiction series part 3

A common theme in addiction is pain. In regards to the sex addict, he battles feelings of inadequacy and the loss of or lack of purpose. He feels it is impossible to love himself due to the pain living inside of him. These feelings are heightened when around other people. The addict can be socially isolated, awkward, and all too often have very few friends. Often, relationships they may have—whether simple friendships or a marriage—are shallow. The addict fears intimacy, most likely due to the betrayal of intimacy that occurs after sexual abuse. This fear causes him not to allow people to get too close. Sexual addicts hope that sex will create the intimacy they crave and that it will drown out the pain that they feel. That pain and emptiness is what fuels the addiction cycle.

God heals the pain and fills the empty void, rendering addiction powerless. With a mix of God’s healing powers and good Christian counselling, any addict can find freedom from the pain.

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New friendships are great! It is so much fun to find people we connect with almost instantly! A real friendship, however, is tested when there is a disagreement or an occurrence that results in one of us getting hurt. That moment is when we have to decide if we are going to hold onto offence or practice forgiveness.

Forgiveness is realizing that the relationship is more important than whatever the disagreement point was. We would need to lean into the relationship even if we don’t want to and determine to let go of any hurt we may be feeling. It is not always easy to let go of an offense, but with the Holy Spirit working in us every day, we get there.

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One of the best things in life is a great chat. We connect with people we love, share our days, our hopes and our dreams and enjoy life together. This gift of connection is from God and is cultivated from childhood. Parents who talk with their kids set them up for success. It can be easy in these times to reduce a chat to a quick text message or phone call, but as parents, we can go a step further! We can develop a healthy habit of communication in our family by simply talking. We can talk to our children about God, about life, school, friends, whatever we want. These simple and easy chats can build a strong foundation of not only communication skills but also of love and trust so that, when life gets tricky, our kids will feel comfortable coming to talk to us.

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Intimacy in Marriage

When a child is brought into the family, it can sometimes cause a shift in the parental identity. A woman can begin to see herself as a parent first and a lover and wife second. A man can sometimes see himself as lover and husband first and parent second. When this happens, there is a risk of a loss of intimacy within the marriage.

Intimacy in marriage after children is very important. Children feel safest in the home of a happy and stable marriage. They learn how to treat people by watching how their parents treat each other. Non-sexual affection is a positive sign for the children and can help them adapt socially.

Married couples can keep intimacy alive after children, but it will take work. They need to continue to communicate, shift, and be open to change. They can take those moments when the children are asleep or distracted or away at friends to have some time to be intimate. Parents should make it a priority to be intentional about their intimacy so that the marriage and in turn the family dynamic remain healthy.

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