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Category Archives: Marriage Goals

Marriage Goals


“God Said”

While I was dating Dean, there were moments where I felt that God had told me that he was the man I was going to marry; however, even after having such thoughts, our early years of marriage were difficult. When God tells us something, we sometimes expect that area of our life to become easy, but that is not the case.  God literally spoke a wife into existence for Adam, but still, his relationship with Eve was difficult.

As the years have passed, I’ve realized that there is wisdom in hesitating before using the words “God said” regarding various situations in life. I’ve realized that that statement tends to shut down other valuable voices of insight regarding my life. I have also found that sometimes what I think is God’s voice is just wishful thinking or even desperation to get something I want.

Yes – God does speak to us. Sometimes He speaks in an audible voice; sometimes He speaks through others; and sometimes He wants us to trust Him when He does not speak at all. We must remember that God never abandons us and is always communicating with us; we just have to figure out through which avenue He is speaking. The strength to trust in what He has said to us—through His Word, the words of others, and sometimes His own voice—is often of more benefit then shutting everyone out with the phrase “God said”.

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New friendships are great! It is so much fun to find people we connect with almost instantly! A real friendship, however, is tested when there is a disagreement or an occurrence that results in one of us getting hurt. That moment is when we have to decide if we are going to hold onto offence or practice forgiveness.

Forgiveness is realizing that the relationship is more important than whatever the disagreement point was. We would need to lean into the relationship even if we don’t want to and determine to let go of any hurt we may be feeling. It is not always easy to let go of an offense, but with the Holy Spirit working in us every day, we get there.

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One of the best things in life is a great chat. We connect with people we love, share our days, our hopes and our dreams and enjoy life together. This gift of connection is from God and is cultivated from childhood. Parents who talk with their kids set them up for success. It can be easy in these times to reduce a chat to a quick text message or phone call, but as parents, we can go a step further! We can develop a healthy habit of communication in our family by simply talking. We can talk to our children about God, about life, school, friends, whatever we want. These simple and easy chats can build a strong foundation of not only communication skills but also of love and trust so that, when life gets tricky, our kids will feel comfortable coming to talk to us.

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Intimacy in Marriage

When a child is brought into the family, it can sometimes cause a shift in the parental identity. A woman can begin to see herself as a parent first and a lover and wife second. A man can sometimes see himself as lover and husband first and parent second. When this happens, there is a risk of a loss of intimacy within the marriage.

Intimacy in marriage after children is very important. Children feel safest in the home of a happy and stable marriage. They learn how to treat people by watching how their parents treat each other. Non-sexual affection is a positive sign for the children and can help them adapt socially.

Married couples can keep intimacy alive after children, but it will take work. They need to continue to communicate, shift, and be open to change. They can take those moments when the children are asleep or distracted or away at friends to have some time to be intimate. Parents should make it a priority to be intentional about their intimacy so that the marriage and in turn the family dynamic remain healthy.

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Marriage & Money

Money can be one of the biggest tension points in marriage. Two people of different money profiles come together to live one life. Both have pre-established concepts of money and spending habits. When children are added to the mix, the tension can rise even further. A married couple should work to keep the lines of communication open regarding money in order to help ease said tension.

One thing that can help is to understand each other’s money makeup. There are different types of money personalities that include savers, spenders, security seekers, flyers, debtors and risk takers. We are all a mix of two of these; when we know what our spouse is, we can better navigate the conversations we will need to have about money.

Another thing is to not be too tight-fisted on our own opinions. Sometimes we just need to let our spouses have their way with the money—within a reasonable spending amount—so that there is no unnecessary arguing. We should always remember that neither we nor our spouse is ever totally right or totally wrong. We can learn to be flexible with our money for the sake of our marriage.

In the end, money is just a tool we use to make life happen. God is our ultimate provider and all the money in the world belongs to Him. We can stress about money, but why? God will always supply our needs. So spend wisely and communicate often.

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