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Category Archives: Mature Marriage

03.Sep.2014

“God Said”

While I was dating Dean, there were moments where I felt that God had told me that he was the man I was going to marry; however, even after having such thoughts, our early years of marriage were difficult. When God tells us something, we sometimes expect that area of our life to become easy, but that is not the case.  God literally spoke a wife into existence for Adam, but still, his relationship with Eve was difficult.

As the years have passed, I’ve realized that there is wisdom in hesitating before using the words “God said” regarding various situations in life. I’ve realized that that statement tends to shut down other valuable voices of insight regarding my life. I have also found that sometimes what I think is God’s voice is just wishful thinking or even desperation to get something I want.

Yes – God does speak to us. Sometimes He speaks in an audible voice; sometimes He speaks through others; and sometimes He wants us to trust Him when He does not speak at all. We must remember that God never abandons us and is always communicating with us; we just have to figure out through which avenue He is speaking. The strength to trust in what He has said to us—through His Word, the words of others, and sometimes His own voice—is often of more benefit then shutting everyone out with the phrase “God said”.

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06.Aug.2014

Forgiveness

New friendships are great! It is so much fun to find people we connect with almost instantly! A real friendship, however, is tested when there is a disagreement or an occurrence that results in one of us getting hurt. That moment is when we have to decide if we are going to hold onto offence or practice forgiveness.

Forgiveness is realizing that the relationship is more important than whatever the disagreement point was. We would need to lean into the relationship even if we don’t want to and determine to let go of any hurt we may be feeling. It is not always easy to let go of an offense, but with the Holy Spirit working in us every day, we get there.

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One of the best things in life is a great chat. We connect with people we love, share our days, our hopes and our dreams and enjoy life together. This gift of connection is from God and is cultivated from childhood. Parents who talk with their kids set them up for success. It can be easy in these times to reduce a chat to a quick text message or phone call, but as parents, we can go a step further! We can develop a healthy habit of communication in our family by simply talking. We can talk to our children about God, about life, school, friends, whatever we want. These simple and easy chats can build a strong foundation of not only communication skills but also of love and trust so that, when life gets tricky, our kids will feel comfortable coming to talk to us.

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23.Jul.2014

Intimacy in Marriage

When a child is brought into the family, it can sometimes cause a shift in the parental identity. A woman can begin to see herself as a parent first and a lover and wife second. A man can sometimes see himself as lover and husband first and parent second. When this happens, there is a risk of a loss of intimacy within the marriage.

Intimacy in marriage after children is very important. Children feel safest in the home of a happy and stable marriage. They learn how to treat people by watching how their parents treat each other. Non-sexual affection is a positive sign for the children and can help them adapt socially.

Married couples can keep intimacy alive after children, but it will take work. They need to continue to communicate, shift, and be open to change. They can take those moments when the children are asleep or distracted or away at friends to have some time to be intimate. Parents should make it a priority to be intentional about their intimacy so that the marriage and in turn the family dynamic remain healthy.

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03.Jul.2014

Wanting Fame

Today when asking children what they want to be when they grow up, answers still consist of things like firemen or doctors but it seems like the overwhelming response has changed to “famous.” Fame has to some degree become synonymous with success. We have begun to believe that if we are not well known then we are not successful and, in turn, unhappy. Famous people are seen every day in the news and the media, and we think that they are happy; however, fame does not mean happiness. In fact, fame often times becomes the thing that destroys happiness.

Fame is usually a short-lived thing that fails to bring true happiness. At our core, we desire to be loved, accepted, and happy. Many people believe that recognition will satisfy all of those desires, but, unfortunately, fame generally brings more destruction than anything. This does not mean we should disregard or downgrade moments of success; those should be celebrated! What we need to do is understand and remember that God is everything. His love and His grace is what will satisfy our desires, and we will find that satisfaction by leaning on His strength and making Him our main desire.

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