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Category Archives: Mature Marriage

One of the best things in life is a great chat. We connect with people we love, share our days, our hopes and our dreams and enjoy life together. This gift of connection is from God and is cultivated from childhood. Parents who talk with their kids set them up for success. It can be easy in these times to reduce a chat to a quick text message or phone call, but as parents, we can go a step further! We can develop a healthy habit of communication in our family by simply talking. We can talk to our children about God, about life, school, friends, whatever we want. These simple and easy chats can build a strong foundation of not only communication skills but also of love and trust so that, when life gets tricky, our kids will feel comfortable coming to talk to us.

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23.Jul.2014

Intimacy in Marriage

When a child is brought into the family, it can sometimes cause a shift in the parental identity. A woman can begin to see herself as a parent first and a lover and wife second. A man can sometimes see himself as lover and husband first and parent second. When this happens, there is a risk of a loss of intimacy within the marriage.

Intimacy in marriage after children is very important. Children feel safest in the home of a happy and stable marriage. They learn how to treat people by watching how their parents treat each other. Non-sexual affection is a positive sign for the children and can help them adapt socially.

Married couples can keep intimacy alive after children, but it will take work. They need to continue to communicate, shift, and be open to change. They can take those moments when the children are asleep or distracted or away at friends to have some time to be intimate. Parents should make it a priority to be intentional about their intimacy so that the marriage and in turn the family dynamic remain healthy.

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03.Jul.2014

Wanting Fame

Today when asking children what they want to be when they grow up, answers still consist of things like firemen or doctors but it seems like the overwhelming response has changed to “famous.” Fame has to some degree become synonymous with success. We have begun to believe that if we are not well known then we are not successful and, in turn, unhappy. Famous people are seen every day in the news and the media, and we think that they are happy; however, fame does not mean happiness. In fact, fame often times becomes the thing that destroys happiness.

Fame is usually a short-lived thing that fails to bring true happiness. At our core, we desire to be loved, accepted, and happy. Many people believe that recognition will satisfy all of those desires, but, unfortunately, fame generally brings more destruction than anything. This does not mean we should disregard or downgrade moments of success; those should be celebrated! What we need to do is understand and remember that God is everything. His love and His grace is what will satisfy our desires, and we will find that satisfaction by leaning on His strength and making Him our main desire.

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25.Jun.2014

Marriage & Money

Money can be one of the biggest tension points in marriage. Two people of different money profiles come together to live one life. Both have pre-established concepts of money and spending habits. When children are added to the mix, the tension can rise even further. A married couple should work to keep the lines of communication open regarding money in order to help ease said tension.

One thing that can help is to understand each other’s money makeup. There are different types of money personalities that include savers, spenders, security seekers, flyers, debtors and risk takers. We are all a mix of two of these; when we know what our spouse is, we can better navigate the conversations we will need to have about money.

Another thing is to not be too tight-fisted on our own opinions. Sometimes we just need to let our spouses have their way with the money—within a reasonable spending amount—so that there is no unnecessary arguing. We should always remember that neither we nor our spouse is ever totally right or totally wrong. We can learn to be flexible with our money for the sake of our marriage.

In the end, money is just a tool we use to make life happen. God is our ultimate provider and all the money in the world belongs to Him. We can stress about money, but why? God will always supply our needs. So spend wisely and communicate often.

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(excerpt from Little Shakers)

As a pastor I watch people move from church to church for many different reasons. Some moves are worthwhile, such as relocations for career advancement. However, many moves are because of disappointment or bitterness toward the church. We all face these times of disappointment, and we do not want to instill these messages of bitterness or disillusionment into our children. Many parents would say that they want to raise children that love God and His church, but by moving from church to church they send a message to their children that church commitment really isn’t a priority. Their love becomes conditional and intolerant. They simply forget that the church is truly God’s people – His ecclesia – His called out ones who are not perfect, but human and flawed just like everyone else.

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