Category: Parenting Teenagers

24.May.2013 |

The Heart and Sexuality

We so often hear the term ‘follow your heart.” It sounds so warm and adventurous.

I might be the only one but my heart, if referring to my mind and emotions, seems dangerous at times.

In Proverbs 4:23, the advice is to not follow our hearts but to guard our hearts. The heart is prone to selfishness and sin. Guarding it is something that is pre-emptive. We have to make a decision to correct it.

Think ahead and don’t put yourself in a compromising situation. Don’t have a lot of alone-time behind closed doors where the mind can wander on the Internet or TV. Stay social when you are single and when you are dating. Things can go wrong, and reactions that lead to regret tend to happen when you are by yourself or alone with your significant other for too long.
(taken from God Sex. Available on kindle)

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Of course the journey of our mind regarding sex means that we hang out with those that tend to approve of our journey. There is peace in a unified mindset.

Great friends are there though to challenge us to grow and change, so there will always be times of friction; however, we should recognize that this friction can be good.

Friends who have known us longer than our new-found romantic interest can recognize when a relationship or an event is harmful to us. Friends can warn us when we are about to enter into something dangerous—such as a relationship that could compromise our standards.

Great friends know our hopes and our dreams and will honestly speak their minds in defense of those things.

Surround yourself with others that support your commitment to doing your relationships well. This limits the temptations and opportunities that could lead us to stepping out of bounds.

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The first place where the boundaries of sex should be established is in the home; however, some parents, in their quest to be relevant or simply because they do not want to lose their child, succumb to the same social pressures as their children—pressures that drive them to allow their teenagers to stay the night with a girlfriend or boyfriend or approve the couple’s plans to move in together.

The primary line of defense in the family is the parent, and yet parents are no longer protecting their children. They are doing the opposite.

Most parents are encouraging their children in their independence. They want their children to have freedom of choice even when their children are too young to understand the power of their choices.

Adolescents, particularly young girls, are disappointed in the lack of boundaries enforced by their parents. A young girl was baffled that her parents allowed her to be alone so often with her boyfriend. No parental supervision made it difficult for this young girl to draw the line.

Young adults do not have a reference point for what is right and what is wrong if their parents do not teach it to them; they flow with whatever society says is okay at the time. This means that premarital sex is a good thing; even a rite of passage! The promise of “no consequences” is a lie, though, and the pain of giving oneself sexually outweighs the supposed sense of freedom.

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17.May.2013 |

Sexual Desire

Sexual desire is cognitive—involving thoughts, wishes, fantasies, or desires—as well as physical—genital arousal.
It is also thought to be psychosexual, meaning that all of our senses get involved.

Sexual desire is not necessarily the same thing as physiological or genital sexual arousal—though it can be a component. There can be an absence of sexual activity without a lack of desire.

On the other hand, a person can engage in sexual behaviors and activities without feeling sexual desire. So many people engage in said activities so that they can feel a part of a clique with whom they hang out; however, the sexual experience leaves them disappointed.

An understanding of sexual desire and the fact that they do not need to give in to these acts just to “feel good” about themselves can help spare people the heartache that comes from premature sexual activity. (Extract from God Sex book)

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There is and always will be the issue of forgiveness. We all struggle with regret for past mistakes, and we all live with the memories of what we have done.

The first step in moving on is to admit that we are fallible and make mistakes. God forgives us, and we must, therefore, forgive ourselves and others.

Our problem can be letting go of our pride and embarrassment over what we have done. We should not be in a resentful place nor can we afford to be a person that holds resentment.

God encourages us to forgive, for it is in forgiveness that we are forgiven.

We also have to choose to not dwell on our mistakes. Sexual sin is often difficult to forget because of the intimacy we held with others. It did not seem like a bad idea at the time, but when the relationship dissolves, we face the regret of giving ourselves over to something temporary.

We have to choose to cast down our thoughts and imaginations. If we keep on allowing ourselves to dwell on our mistakes then we are going to be depressed. Choose to move forward.

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