01.Sep.2010 Christian Sex and Sex

Original Sex
Sex was created by God to be between a man and woman in marriage. It is possibly the closest way in which one person can be connected to another. It was designed to be between two people that are committed to sharing and doing life together. Genesis 2:24 describes a process by which a man and woman leave their families, another unit of close connection, and unite with their new partner.

Sex means that we open ourselves in every way to another. It means that we make ourselves vulnerable to another and create a bond that is not easily dissolved. After the sexual act there is a lasting connection.

Sex Gone Wrong
Sex is powerfully wounding when used wrongfully. It creates ties to another that go way deeper than the mere time in which it takes to complete the sexual act. Sex is not like a purchase that can be returned to a store. Sex means that we reveal ourselves to another in a way that should be rare and not given lightly.

We can cheapen sex and water down God’s plan for it. We know that it feels great and so we don’t want to wait! Therefore we justify that sexual play is ok outside of marriage.

However on the other side of wrong sex are the feelings of disappointment and also the now created thirst for more. We have awakened sexual desire at the wrong time and with one with whom we have no promise of fidelity.

God’s Plan for Sex
Sex doesn’t need to be practiced before marriage. A married couple have their entire lives to work at this area. A great sex life can take time to build but that’s fine because marriage is for life.

Great sex is accompanied by trust and giving to the other. Sex becomes more fulfilling because one gets to know likes and dislikes and a person becomes more comfortable with the other.

Sex with one partner means that there are no comparisons to other sexual encounters and no regrets. It means that we can feel secure in the knowledge that we are the other’s one and only.

What’s OK Before Marriage?
So what’s ok sexually before marriage? Some will say that everything is fine except for actual intercourse. Many compromise on this stance. This is dangerous ground. One thing leads to the next. Foreplay leads to intercourse and this leads to the afterglow.

If we think that sexual play before marriage is fine then at what time in the relationship should this commence? How far do you go before marriage?

A broken relationship is painful but is less painful if there has been no sexual play.

Sex cannot be divided into steps. Foreplay, the act and after play form possibly the most intimate part of marriage. To break this into anything less cheapens the act, the other person and merely uses them as a temporary form of fulfillment. Controlling oneself and setting boundaries regarding what you will do with another sexually is all a part of respecting and loving another.

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28.Aug.2010 Choosing Influences For Your Child’s Life

Learning From The Past
Looking back in life has helped me understand the reasons as to why I stayed in church. Fundamentally I believed in the God of Christianity and so if I was to learn more of this God then I needed to be involved with other believers in the church. Through this I also discovered some other vital keys that have helped me in my Christianity over the years.

In parenting Dean and I determined to do the same things with our children. However we also never used church as a punishment for our children nor withheld its activities as a punishment.

Friendship
Our children had many friends in and out of church but connection with children from established church families was a priority. This enabled a more likely outcome where longterm friendships could continue.
This was made easier for them by being in church regularly and making sure that they were at church events. Family vacations were planned around the church calendar and even hobbies and sports rarely interfered with their church life. Through all of the years both boys always played sport, learnt a musical instrument plus had school hobbies and other friendships. It’s not hard to maintain. It’s merely recognizing what is important.

Serving
Helping in church enables a child to not only strengthen friendships but it also helps them find their talents plus gain an identity within the church. This actually starts at a young age, even when we watch our kids dressed in sheets as shepherds or dressed as a random piece of fruit when performing in a children’s church performance. They look so adorable but some thing greater is going on in this process. We are commencing them in a process of serving, sharing, giving and cooperation.

From here there are all sorts of opportunities presented. Perhaps it’s them giving in a building fund or being part of a group that is buying goods for a child in an underdeveloped country. Perhaps it’s your child coming with dad to a church work day or becoming a youth leader at a youth camp. There’s something that can take place in these years where a child can learn to find their place in the church which equips them for later years. They also learn the principle of self-sacrifice and helping others.

Handling Conflict
Lastly is a principle that requires more of us as parents. But it is vital that this is woven into the two previous suggestions not only for our sakes but also for our children. It’s our ability to handle conflict which requires much self discipline.

It requires the honesty to forgive and it requires the discipline to look at one’s own weaknesses. It requires that we understand that life will not always seem fair nor is any man perfect. It means that we have to look to God as bigger than His church and He will have His way. It means that we will keep on turning up to church and will practice our Christianity in spite of our hurt.

This is a tough decision particularly when we as parents hit these rough patches but by doing this we show our children great Christianity plus we do not rip them out of the two other processes that are taking place – long term friendships and that of finding their place in the church. In this midst children learn of God and find their relationship with Him.

Sports, hobbies and schooling are important in a child’s world and many great things come from these priorities. However schooling, sports and hobbies mostly come to a close or come and go in our lives but Gods church should not be considered as such. Rather if God is a constant in our world then so is His church.

Schooling comes to a close and friendships may be scattered. Hobbies and sports come to an end as a child cannot always make these a career. However the relationships, formed identities, values and depths of the church’s impact because of God are everlasting if we allow this process to take place.

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